


Finding Bucky

by Lottiecarter1402



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Bucky Barnes Feels, Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Flashbacks, Fluff and Smut, Lost Bucky Barnes, Multi, POV Bucky Barnes, POV Original Female Character, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Sexual Content, Wolves
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-09
Updated: 2016-10-05
Packaged: 2018-07-14 02:34:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7149185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lottiecarter1402/pseuds/Lottiecarter1402
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leila Thomas has always had a problem letting people in after surviving great loss all her life; looking out for number one was always the priority. But now the people from her past, people she once cared for are back in her life. When her Uncle Tony wants to be more involved in his niece's life, Leila is introduced to a new kind of family: The Avengers. Convinced her 'dreams' are a warning that her loved ones are in danger, Leila sets out to prevent this. Her first agenda and ultimate priority becomes Steve Roger’s best friend: Bucky Barnes. In a hope to repair the Bucky-sized whole in Steve's life, which she feels will help him look to the future and not the past, Leila seeks out the broken winter soldier, vowing to help him regain his memory and reunite him with Rogers. Lives, relationships and the universal peace depend on Leila succeeding in her mission to keep Earth's mightiest heroes united. But there are those who wish to stop her, and the more Leila learns of Barnes's past, the less objective her mission becomes, and the more her compassion takes hold, causing complications at every turn. Now Leila is faced with a difficult choice: prioritise the mission and fight how she feels, or run with it, no matter the cost.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The more I see, the less I know

**Author's Note:**

> This story looks at Leila's life on the run with Bucky and explains how their relationship formed. It includes flashbacks to explain Leila's past and introduces people she once knew. The story switches between Leila's perspective and Bucky's, each chapter involves a first person account from either character. There are flashbacks from Bucky's life including how he came to know Leila and how she has helped him since Hydra's mission collapsed in Washington D.C. and Bucky was relieved of his duty as a brainswashed assassin. Characters from the MCU will appear as the story progresses and the events roughly align with the timeline of the movies. Leila's association with SHIELD, the Avengers and other MCU characters will be revealled as the plot goes on, signifying her overall importance. There will be original characters introduced and although a majority of the events will coincide with that of the MCU so far, there will be a lot of original ideas and story developments also.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In an alternate reality, Leila is visited by her Uncle Stark who warns her about Rogers becoming a criminal.  
> In this reality, a mysterious white wolf aids Leila in rescuing Bucky from Hydra agents. Leila flashes back to her first encounter with James Barnes, revealling how they met and why. 
> 
> N.B. the alternative reality where Tony visits Leila refers to the events during CA: Civil War. And Leila's first ecounter with barnes takes place after the first post-credit scene in CA: The Winter Soldier where Bucky visits the museum.

_I awoke today just as I did every other day, to the annoying sound of my fucking roommate's cat meowing in my face, its scraggly whiskers brushing against my cheek as it nuzzled my face. I picked her up and threw her to the floor, causing her to screech and hiss as she ran out the room, her fat little paws leaving muddy prints in my carpet. Fuck sake. I lived in a sorority house along with several other girls, most of which earned their pledge acceptance through legacy- a.k.a. they basically inherited the golden vagina, or so you would think. The other half didn't so much get in from being blessed with mummy dearest's golden genetics, but by being Daddy's little princess a.k.a. they are basically bigger and older versions of those bratty little toddlers you see in beauty pageant shows. You know the ones I mean, just less juice bottle and more silicone boobs. I know what you're thinking, who even is this cat-hating bitch? Well, odds are you actually don’t give two shits about who I am, but if I plan to succeed in any of my academics, I have to complete this assignment of ‘ A day in the life…’ I’m on the verge of eating my own hands to prevent this fucking tragedy that is a self-absorbed account of yours truly. My name is Leila Thomas and I didn't get my pledge acceptance by being heir to a fucking Stepford wife, nor am I a spoilt daddy's girl. No, there's only one reason I got into this hell-hole, and it can be summed up in two words: Tony Stark. Yes, the famous ‘Iron Man’, the neurotic avenger, the genius, billionaire, playboy philanthropist. Whilst he may be known to many as all those things, to me, he was always Uncle Tony… my handsome, awesome uncle who I love dearl-_

"Alright Stark, get off!" Speaking of the devil…

"Ah, beloved niece, I have missed you too" he dramatically stretched out his arms, expecting me to return the embrace, so I punched him in the left shoulder. "Ow. Maybe I should've paid for your professional boxing career instead." He rubbed his bruised area as he sat on the end of the bed.

"I'd take sweaty shirtless guys beating the shit out of each other over preppy spoilt girly girls that think they're better than everyone else when really their pussys have taken more beatings than most professional boxers."

"Are you referring to the next generation of 'golden vaginas'?" He gestured towards my laptop with a disapproved look on his face. "You know, I'd be proud," he began pacing around the room, "to learn that you had dedicated your time here to something other than pessimism and sarcasm. But alas, I know you all too well, Leil. So I don't get my hopes up." He had finally stopped looking around at the noticeably bare landscape that was my living quarters, shoved both hands in his pockets, and looked at me with that stern face of concern he had strangely mastered in my presence.

"Well Ferris Bueller taught me that I shouldn’t believe in an 'ism', I should just believe in me," I smiled at him sarcastically whilst giving the ‘thumbs up’. "Anyway, don't start. I'm tired and I'm late. What're you doing here, anyway?"

"Well, that's just real nice, Leila. What? I can't just visit my niece?"

"I gotta admit I have been intrigued to hear what the fuck you and Steve were thinking when you decided to lead your band of misfits to drop Sokovia like it's hot. Is it, by the way”

“What?”

“Hot?” I was truly curious.

"Leila," He drew a deep breath and looked down at the floor before continuing, "Rogers has been compromised."

My heart stopped. I hadn't seen Steve in a while, not since…Of course, I had thought it was due to his life as Captain America, but now…

"What do you mean, compromised?”

“I mean he’s refused to cooperate with the governments of the world on what they-“

“They?” I asked, knowing he was withholding the truth.

“Fine, what we-”

“There it is.”

“- deem to be the best solution to protect the people and kick enemy ass with minimal destruction and casualty.”

“And Steve is against this?” I was sceptic, there had to be more. There just had to be.

Tony nodded his response, but it wasn’t that I needed him to; I had heard all I needed to hear. But for that brief moment, I could see it in his stare; Tony was just as upset at the news as I was, if not more. He really had become fond of the guy he spent so long declaring as his rival. The guy who stole the respect, admiration and fatherly pride of dear Grand-daddy Howard, God rest his soul.

“That's, is that even possible? I mean, of course it's possible, but, well it's just… Steve?" I had to sit down; I thought I was going to pass out. I hadn't known the guy long, at least not as long as I had known Tony, or Clint and Nat, for that matter. But Steve had made quite the impression on me the last few times we were together, and it killed me to think he was being cast as the bad guy. And although I loved (kind of) and trusted him (to an extent), I knew my Uncle was somehow involved, more than he was letting on. But before I could ask, he started to fade; in fact everything around me was fading. Oh no, not now, please! It was too late, the foresight was gone.  
***

It took me several minutes to catch my breath and get my bearings. Cars, there were a lot of cars. I was in a parking lot, the sign read Parcare. That’s right… I was in Romania, Bucharest to be exact. If only I could remember why…

“LEILA!” His shout startled me but the memory came back almost instantly at the sound of his husk voice. He was in trouble. I got up from the ground, trying to ignore the migraine fluidly running through my head. There were at least a dozen of them lying on the floor beaten or unconscious, or both, he was strong and so he had held them off in my absence. I turned the corner and saw him, his body restrained by something too strong for him to break out of. Even with his freakish robotic arm, James could no longer hold them off by himself, not whilst he was bound. I didn’t have a moment to think. Before I knew it, I was lower to the ground, on all fours racing towards the men, and my instinct was no longer my own.

It all happened in a blur, in spurs of ripping and biting, the wolf was careful enough not to clamp down hard enough to kill them, but she drew blood as she flung each of them away from Barnes. This was my chance. I became conscience in my own skin again, and without a moment’s hesitation, I ran to him whilst the wolf distracted the men.

“What the hell is this thing?!” I struggled at the bounds on James’s wrists.

“It seems to be some sort of electromagnetic device. You’re going to have to disarm it. This thing could be wired to blow, or electrocute me at best.” I looked at him, he was so collected and calm, in fact I hadn’t once seen him this cool from the day I met him. I met his gaze dead on as he spoke, “I trust you.” And just like that, I had no other choice but to start defusing the device.

I eventually broke him out of the electronic device that detained him, and just in time it seemed, as a roaring sound of gas-guzzling engines began to head in from behind us. There are too many. I wasn’t sure if I had spoken the words out loud, as Barnes looked at me, afraid and concerned, but also angry. He wanted revenge. I grabbed his right arm and looked at him pleadingly as he began to step hastily towards the noise. “I’m too weak; I can’t protect you from them.” I didn’t realise how out of breath I was until the words came out, “Let it go.” He looked back at me and tugged from my grip, but I was persistent. “I may not be up to my full strength, but I have enough fight in me to beat some damn sense into you, Barnes.”

“Let go of me.” He pulled away, “I don’t care what happens to me, and we all got to go at some point right? But you can be damn sure I’ll take as many hydra scumbags with me, as I can.” He jerked free of my hold, leaving me no choice. The crossbow’s release would’ve been the last thing he heard, the arrowed tranquilliser the last thing he felt, before an already weakened James Buchannan Barnes fell to the ground.

***

I’d been studying him for several minutes before I made my approach, not wanting to alarm him or risk doing anything that could set him off.

“Pretty amazing stuff, huh?” I moved into the open space next to him, looking up at the board in front of us.

“Do I know you?” I had to keep from showing the surprise in my response; it was not the voice I expected to hear on an unstable, assassinating fossil. He sounded suspicious and to be honest, a little exhausted, but there was no hostility, no aggression, in his tone. Only confusion and grief, two emotions I definitely had on speed dial.

“We have a friend in common” I nudged my head towards the image of Captain America.

“That’s the man I pulled from the river. He’s a pain in the ass.” He looked at me briefly before gazing back at the image of his former friend.

  
***

 


	2. Love Thy Neighbour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leila and Bucky return to their motel room after the attack in the car park and Leila tries to appease a wounded Bucky but tensions run high. 
> 
> Leila thinks back to days long past, introducing her brother Riley, his best friend and their intriguing new acquaintence, a tall dark handsome stranger who goes by the name: Grant Ward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The flashback in this chapter introduces Leila's older brother Riley and his best friend since childhood Tommy Lukos, an important figure from Leila's past. Grant Ward from Agents of SHIELD befriends Tommy and Riley, but neither of them know he's an agent or what he is capable of.

It was the middle of the night, which meant nobody was operating the lobby desk, which meant I was able to drag his dumbass through the empty reception and into the elevator. Luckily not many of the guests were around at this hour, just the usual ale-stinking old man George who lived on the same corridor as us. He was awaiting us as the lift stopped on our floor, bearing all three of his yellow teeth and breathing ale in our faces as he laughed and greeted us, his words not formulating sensible sentences.

Old man George wasn’t an intellectual guy, nor was he the most civilised, but he was harmless and all the times Bucky and I had returned bloody and torn up the last few nights, the old man never once raised alarm or showed any concern. We exchanged a look of scepticism, not because the old man was doing anything to question his trusting nature, but the two of us had been out in the real world long enough to know that there are too few people in the world that could be trusted unconditionally, the way George was. We laughed quietly as he excitedly entered the elevator, clapping and smiling, as if it were taking him on some spectacular adventure, far from here. Truth is we were thankful for his ignorance, had it been anyone else, they may have noticed the blood seeping through Bucky’s shirt. They most certainly would’ve reacted to the crossbow flung over my shoulder.

We approached the door to our room and I had to lean James against the wall as I searched his bag for the key. Man, he looked like crap. The whole time we were together, I’d never seen him once catch a break. Every day he was either battling his inner demons, or the assholes who believed he was a monster.  After retrieving the key from his seemingly empty duffel bag, I used my free arm to wrap around his torso, offering support which, of course he rejected.

“I’m fine.” He shrugged me off, so I returned to unlocking the door, leaving him in the doorway.

“Leila.” Sometimes I still had to swallow the shock that came with the humanity in his voice, the familiarity, the way he said my name made me feel I’d known him forever. I turned to face him and for the first time I took it all in, the broken shell of a person that stood before me, the hopelessness in his eyes, the confusion and defeat in his demeanour. I walked over to him and bent slightly to hook myself under his right arm, lifting him from the door frame and helping him into the dimly lit room.

I slid him onto the bed’s edge nearest to the door entering the room, whilst I unlatched the crumby sliding door, which took more force to open than it should have, he sat with his head down and shoulders slumped forward. The balcony was small and narrow, but he enjoyed sitting out there and looking down onto the city, the quiet tranquillity of the night seemed to relax him, and the more calm he was, the easier my job would be.

“You shot me.” His voice, void of emotion, echoed as more of a question than a statement, as I slid back into the room to retrieve him. His lips pouted the way they did whenever he got annoyed, like a sulking child deprived of his favourite toy. I turned to face him, too tired to start an argument.

“You defied my order.”

“Your _order_?” He raised his eyebrows. Okay, so this was how he wanted it to go.

Unable to hold back the weariness that had now turned to annoyance, which turned to anger with every huffed breath and snarky comment he made, I flipped. Throwing anything I could grab in between angry sentences, I laid my wrath upon the son of a bitch.

When there was nothing more to throw and I had cooled enough to collect myself, I put my palm against my forehead, before pushing it back through my hair in a gesture of surrender. Barnes on the other hand, sat there staring at me, his jaw agape, and his eyes piercing me cautiously, as though I was a delicate trip wire that could go off at any moment. This may have proceeded to be the case, had I not been so exhausted already. In a final treaty, I held my hands up before sitting down on the bed beside him, dropping my head into my hands, fighting the urge to hit him straight in that stupid hole in his face. But then something happened that surprised me, I felt the cool of metal gently graze my wrist. Next I felt a slight shuffle that disrupted the smooth sheet beneath us and felt his body closer to mine, his right arm of nothing but flesh and torn cloth, wrapped around my shoulders. A few months ago I would’ve been a little creeped out at his gesture, but after all we had been through, the notion felt nice.

We sat in silence for several minutes, Bucky never loosened his grip on me, and although the practical thing to have done would be to move away from him, I found a comfort in his embrace. A comfort I hadn’t felt in a long, long time…

Once the moment had passed, I helped him up off the bed and out onto the balcony, propping him into his chair. The wound in his shoulder wasn’t severely deep and so the bleeding had stopped hours ago, but I had to be sure. “Take off your shirt.” I realise now how it must’ve come across, but before I could correct myself from sounding like a possessive pervert, Bucky released a quick burst of laughter. It was the type of laugh that was somewhere between laughing at the hilarity and choking on the sudden surprise. And while usually I’d be too busy trying to recover from the embarrassment, seeing him like this made me laugh awkwardly too. Slowly he reached down to the bottom of his grey shirt which settled just below his pelvic bone, and as it reached his chest exposing his abs (which weren’t all bad to look at), he winced in pain. “Here, let me.” I stood over him to help release the shirt over his head, trying not to graze his wound. I tended carefully to the open flesh being mindful not to disturb it, after all this wasn’t the first time I had needed to do something like this.

***

“Ouch!”

“Riley, hold still!”

It was 3am on a Sunday morning and my brother had somehow managed to get a shard of glass plunged into the middle of his palm.

“So are you going to tell me how it happened or am I gonna have to wake dad to come and beat it out of you?”

“I told you Leil, don’t worry about it.”

“Right, I get a call to come and pickup my big brother from some random crack-house in the valley, only to find him being carried to my car bloody and battered. And then to top it off he refuses to inform me of the gaping hole in his hand and proceeds to bleed out on my backseat, whilst I have to listen to his stupid friends talk absolute shit. Not to mention them stinking up my car with their ale- breath. And then after I’ve endured all this, he has the audacity to not even tell me what happened.”  

“Your brother’s right Leila.” The tall dark haired twat entered the room. After helping me carry Riley through the back door and into our kitchen, he grabbed an old rag from under the sink and soaked it before going back out the door. “You’ll be pleased to know that the blood in your car came right off. Not that you’d notice the mess in that rustic piece of crap.” He rinsed the cloth in the sink before frantically searching the cupboards for the first aid kit. When he finally found it he edged me out the way and took over, cleaning out Riley’s wound as my intoxicated brother sat there like a brainless sap.

“Well thank the Gods that my ‘rustic piece of crap’ comes with leather interior, making the job of cleaning up after my brother and his band of idiots, yourself included, much easier.” His head didn’t move as his eyes looked up at me, his bludgeoned lip curling into a grin which caused the cut on his bottom lip to open again. I grabbed a napkin off the side, “here, you got a little” I began to dab at the wound making sure not to look into those dark brown eyes.

"Am I interrupting?" The second guy that walked into the room didn't give off the same vibe that my brother's best friend, Tommy Lukos had. Instead it was as if the air felt eerie in his presence, I shivered. He was similarly designed as Lukos, both tall dark haired and handsome with piercing brown eyes. But where Tommy’s eyes were soft and warm like a puppy, this new character had eyes that bore into your soul. He walked towards me his eyes never looking away, which most people would’ve probably been charmed by, but I knew better than to trust a pretty face with a ‘friendly’ smile yet soulless eyes.

“I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure,” He outstretched his hand “I’m Grant Ward.”

***

I’d managed to clean out the hole in Bucky’s shoulder and stitched the wound efficiently, it was a skill I had picked up over the years and even though I wish I hadn’t needed to, I was glad for it now. He pretty much passed out on the bed within an hour of me giving him the first antibiotic, his robotic arm arched above his head and the other lay sloppily across his bare chest. His body shivered every now and then from the cool evening air seeping into the room. I contemplated shutting the awkward sliding door, but I didn’t want to make any sudden noises that might wake Bucky from this peaceful state. Instead I grabbed an old red blanket from the top of the linen cabinet and placed it over him. Grabbing my stuff, I headed into the bathroom, leaving the passed out soldier to his dreams.

 


	3. The Angel from my nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky has a nightmare in which he is captured by Hydra officers of past and present. To punish him for deserting them, they kidnap, brutalise and rape a young girl. When he wakes horrified by the dream, Bucky finds himself alone in the motel room, no Leila in sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story has switched and this chapter is told from Bucky's perspective. I had considered writing in third person when drafting this story, but I feel the flashback and alternate reality sequences may be confusing enough, so first person narrative just flows better. Plus I think telling the story from both characters POV will make it more interesting to not only learn about their character's lives but also their relationship with one another.

Darkness. It surrounded me, it suffocated me. I heard footsteps approaching before a hand grabbed the material covering my face and yanked it off. Quickly I turned my head, wincing as I blinked hard, trying to adjust my now exposed eyes to the blinding light. Once my vision had cleared I saw them all; the doctors who tortured me, the officers that commanded me, the soldiers that brutalised me.  All of them were here and standing front and centre was _him,_ the man who started all this during my capture in 1942.

“Sergeant Barnes.” His voice reminded me of a creature I’d seen in one of those childish animations they screened in the movies, a scaly sly serpent with a hissing tongue and a venomous bite.  The second man stood next to him was a face I recognised also; he was their now-leader. _Pierce,_ I had heard the third man call him, a man who wasn’t dressed in a suit of authority, nor was he dressed in a white lab coat like the shorter snake-like man. Instead this man was suited all in black from head to toe, he had an ear piece wired to his bulletproof vest, his aggressive stance indicated he was more muscle than charm or brains; he must’ve been a soldier.

“Mission report,” The man in the suit and tie crouched down in front of me; I’d have snapped his neck had it not been for my binds. When I didn’t answer, he looked to the ground disappointed before standing up, “Very well. You leave me no choice.” He stood up and walked back towards the others.

“Bring in the girl.” The short one commanded, his strange accent left a lick on the end of his sentence, a sound that made me shiver. At his command the brainless soldier smiled an unsettling grin at me before exiting the room. When he returned, my heart started to race. She was stripped down to nothing but her underwear, yellow bruises covered her legs, her right eye was black and blue, her nose poured of blood. Even though she was gagged, I could see that her lip was bludgeoned from where their fists had hit. Her torso was slashed in several places, as were her arms and on her neck… were those bite marks? I shivered with anger.  That’s when I realised, her inner thighs were bloody and sore as she walked towards me. They’d raped her.

“I’ll fucking kill you!” I tried to lunge at them but it did no good as the bounds on my arms and legs kept me in place, a roar of laughter erupted in the room at my defeat. The girl now on the floor in front of me, looked at me with tears in her big green eyes, she shook her head apologetically. Before I could reason with them, before I could offer them anything for her release, the soldier walked up behind her and grabbed her by her hair, pulling her head back.

“Leave her!” I screamed at him, if he started to hurt her, even more than they already had, I couldn’t stand it. The man bent down beside her, his eyes never leaving mine as he proceeded to kiss her neck, he must’ve bit her as she moaned in pain. My heart was racing, my body shook with anger and I couldn’t keep from exposing the anger in my face.

“I’m sorry sweetheart,” he began to whisper in her ear, “But your pal refuses to cooperate, so now I gotta kill you.”

“NO!” I screamed just as another man came from behind me and punched my head to the side, but instantly I met the soldier’s eyes again.

“See, I’m real torn up about it. Especially after all the fun we were having together.” He proceeded to place both hands on her hips, his fingers grazing her pelvic bone as his thumbs caressed inside her lace black pants. The girl winced in disgust and fear, which weakened me to watch. I could feel the tears boiling up in my eyes.

“Please don’t.” I begged him; it was all I had left in me. But the man just chuckled as his shifted his hands from her sex and up onto her bra, placing them inside and onto her breasts, grabbing them hard enough to make her cry out in pain.

“I’m gonna fucking miss these tits, baby.” He hissed in her ear before pulling a gun from his holster and holding it to her head.

***

“LEILA!” I shot up, panicked and sweating. Upon realising it was just a dream I tried to calm myself but my calm was gone, and so was Leila.

 


	4. You can Crash into Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leila thinks back to when her and Tommy first became real friends after she helps him deal with his Lycanthropy curse. 
> 
> Bucky starts to open up to Leila and she realises that her 'kindness' is perhaps giving him the wrong impression.

My body felt exhausted as I awaited the hot bath which took forever to heat up in the grubby old motel room. As it ran I’d stripped down to my underwear and stared in the large bathroom mirror which ran from one end of the counter to the other. I hadn’t even noticed but my entire body was covered in cuts and scrapes, I traced my index finger over the marks healing them instantly. The notion reminded me of the people of my past, people who really knew me and what I was capable of. There was one person in particular that always came to mind whenever anything like this happened. After all he too had secrets that were hard for him to share, afraid that those around him wouldn’t understand. I remember it like it was yesterday, when my brother’s best friend, who I had despised most of my life, and who certainly was no fan of me either, came to me for help.

***

“Tommy?” He was stood outside my window, soaked from the pouring rain. I walked over to unlock the door and let him in, but he stepped back as I got close. I stared at him confused, then he looked at me and I understood why he’d hesitated. His eyes went from dark brown to electric blue, his lips snarled as a set of sharp fanged teeth exposed themselves at me. One week earlier I had found him out in the woods, he was naked and afraid, panicked that he had no recollection of why he was out there or where his clothes had gotten to. There had been a party out in the valley that night, not too far from where I’d found Tommy’s naked skin, so I wrote it off as him being drunk and that this was just the guys playing a sick joke on him. But then it happened again the next night.

I’d been walking my dog Hunter, a big bear-like German shepherd who started to whimper as we approached the woods about twenty minutes from my house. My instinct told me to just continue up the gravelled road where I was guided by street lights, but then I heard him call. I released Hunter from his leash allowing him to sprint off ahead in search of Tommy. Eventually I caught up with him and found Tommy curled up on the ground, Hunter was snarling and growling at him. I wanted to go to his aid but something stopped me, why hadn’t he looked at me? Why hadn’t he said a word?

“Leila?” He had finally spoken, never looking at me or moving his body from the cold damp ground. Hearing the agony in his voice I removed my jacket and as I bent to place it over him, he grabbed my wrist in protest and turned to face me, I screamed at the sight of him but before I could jerk away he flung me down and got on top of me. Hunter charged at him ready to attack, but Tommy whacked him away with a force that made me even more afraid of him. “Leila! Leil, please be quiet!” He tried covering my mouth and repeated my name in between sentences of “It’s me” and “please don’t be afraid”, like yeah right, if he had seen himself in this form he’d be so bloody calm about it. That’s when I stopped screaming, as I realised that no matter how afraid I was, Tommy must be even more freaked out. Once he was sure I’d calmed down, or shut up at least, he released me and stood up, helping me up after him.

Once I had brushed off the dead leaves and thick dirt caking me, I stood in front of Tommy and punched him straight across the face, “Touch my dog like that again you fucking arse, and I’ll put you in the god damn hospital.” I threatened him whilst trying to catch my breath, but he wasn’t annoyed, in fact after he had rubbed his jaw from where I’d hit, he laughed. I swung at him again, only this time he caught my fist before I made impact and for a brief few moments we just stood there, my eyes locked onto his drowning in confusion and fear, and for the first time in a long time I felt bad for the guy.

I had left him to comfort Hunter back to consciousness whilst I went back to his house to grab some clean clothes. Lucky for me his older brother, Killian was nowhere in sight which meant I could get in and out as quick as possible, or so I thought. As I ran up into Tommy’s bedroom I hadn’t expected _her_ to be lying there on his bed, luckily her back was facing the doorway and she hadn’t moved as I stumbled into the room, suggesting she hadn’t heard me at all. As I motioned carefully around his room gathering any decent clothes I could find, I started to wonder if _she_ knew about what was going on with him; wouldn’t she be with him right now if she did? I didn’t have time to ponder on the thought as I grabbed the last item of clothing and made my way back down the stairs and into the night.

Several moments later I found them both lying in the ditch by the road, Hunter was now awake and lying over Tommy’s lap conveniently covering his manhood, Tommy was his normal or at least non-beastly self again. “So is that guy code? You stroke his ears and he covers your junk?” I smiled as I walked towards them.

“Actually if you don’t mind, Hunter and I are just enjoying our time of peace and quiet without you and your cynical personality and poor taste of humour.” Tommy jived back at me which was good, it meant things were getting back to normal, that we were still in that place we had been since puberty.  I handed his clothes to him and whistled Hunter away as we paced back to the road giving Tommy some privacy before the three of us headed on home. As we walked up the gravelled road I told Tommy about Lexi being in his bed earlier and although he had lost the crazy eyes and _Cujo_ teeth, he was hesitant to deal with her whilst he felt so out of sorts. And so I had offered him the small couch-bed in my room after all he looked like he could use a good night’s sleep void of girlfriend drama.

“Okay, we have to be quiet. Riley and my dad will be asleep.” I stopped him at the front door to my house and just as we stood looking at each other, I heard my name echo in the trees behind us.

“What the-“

***

“LEILA!”

The memory of Tommy had left me as soon as I heard Bucky scream from the other room, instantly I slipped on my oversized shirt and ran into the bedroom. He was sat there panting panicked breaths, his bare chest and arms glistened with hot sweat, he finally spoke upon realising my presence, before getting out the bed. I hadn’t left the guy alone for too long but in that short time he had managed to fall into what appeared to have been a deep plagued nightmare. When I asked him about it, he didn’t answer my question but rather continued to hold me in his arms, which felt kind of nice. Once the moment had passed I could tell he felt a little embarrassed, so I changed the subject, “I almost forgot, I’d got you something from town this afternoon before everything kicked off.” I gestured at him to sit down on the bed, which he did hesitatingly. Reaching into my red duffel bag I pulled out a brown paper bag and handed it to him.

“What is it?” I could’ve sworn there was a little trace of excitement in his question, which he didn’t wait for me to answer before he began opening up the bag, “Plums!” He smiled at me half-cocked before pulling out one of the ripe red fruit.

“Wait,” I grabbed the plum from his hand along with the bag containing the rest of them, “they need to be washed first.” He laughed, which made me stop to turn back at him, “What?” I asked.

“Nothing. It’s just… I like the way you look out for me.” His words had left a warm sensation in me, I think it’s what children described as ‘butterflies’, an unnatural motion that disrupted your entire internal system, but it came from a heart-warming notion. I took a deep breath, my heart fluttered at his words, my arms grew goosebumps. He looked at me with that dopey innocent smile he had, as his brown puppy eyes glistened with what I could only imagine was happiness.

Truth is I could’ve lingered in this moment for just a little longer but the neurons in my brain kicked in, and I was suddenly reminded of all the reasons why I shouldn’t, “Well, you’re my responsibility, right?” He pursed his lips together as he nodded his head, the glisten in his eyes was gone and I knew I’d ruined the moment. _Way to go Leila_ , I thought to myself as I re-entered the bathroom. Once inside, I washed out Bucky’s plums before continuing to get dressed for bed, I was so exhausted I was sure I’d sleep this time around. When I went back into the bedroom, the lights were all off except for the bedside lamp on my side which he must’ve left on to guide me to the bed, I smiled at the thoughtfulness. It was just a shame that he didn’t seem to want his plums nor did he want to make conversation as he lied there with his back turned to me. Not that I could blame the guy. I sat on the bed and leaned over him to put the bag of freshly bathed plums next to him, before turning back onto my side and turning off the light.

“Goodnight Leila.” I smiled into the dark at the warmth in his voice.

“Goodnight Bucky.”

 

 


	5. Take me by the hand, take me somewhere new

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky flashes back to his first encounter with Leila.

As I laid there in the dark thoughts crept into my mind whilst Leila lay sound asleep beside me, which gave me comfort after the horrific nightmare I’d experienced hours before. Upon hearing me scream for her, she had run into the room wearing nothing but an over-sized shirt which she hadn’t buttoned yet, exposing her black bra and panties. The image of the black under-garments reminded me of the dream, and before I could say anything I scrambled off the bed and walked towards her, pulling her close to me.

“I woke up and you weren’t there.” I realised how needy I must’ve sounded, but I didn’t care. Truth is when I first met the girl she was a stranger with a mission, and although she would deny it, I knew the real reason she wanted to help me so bad. And the reason was Steve. Several months ago I didn’t have a clue of who the guy was; hell I didn’t even know who I was, not really. But Leila had really helped me remember my past, the life before the Winter Soldier, the life of James Buchannan Barnes.

***

I had been standing there for some time looking at the images that stood before me, my mind trying to process the descriptions written around the images when I found what I was looking for. ‘ _Best friends since childhood, Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes’_ the plaque read, it was placed beneath a moving image of Black and White showing two men: one was rugged and dressed in what looked like old combat attire, the other was clean cut and dressed in some sort of costume armour, _Steve._ The rugged man in the image had seemed familiar and it didn’t take me long to realise I was looking at my reflection, a mirror from another life, a simpler life. The two were laughing alongside one another and I didn’t know whether to smile or punch the screen as conflicted feelings of nostalgia and rage consumed me.  Just as I was internally battling my emotions a young girl with dark hair and big green eyes stood beside me. The girl introduced herself as Leila Thomas and said that she was a friend of Captain America.

“That’s the man I pulled from the river. He’s a pain in the ass.” I looked at her before nudging my head back toward the two men on the wall. “So what exactly can I do for you, friend of Steve?” I turned from the wall and began walking toward the exit, the girl followed.

“Actually it’s more of what _I_ can do for _you_.” She responded, the tone in her voice indicated that she had been trained on how to be verbally persuasive.

“I’m not interested. Whoever you’re working for, I don’t do _that_ anymore.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” The pleasantries in her voice had dropped and although I could tell she was as surprised as I was, it was enough to make me stop and look at her. Maybe this kid wasn’t a trained operative after all; a slip up like that certainly wouldn’t go down well with the man in charge.

“You’re here to recruit me on a mission, right?” I decided to be straight forward, sure that I could outwit her.

“Wrong. I’m actually too busy with my own mission it just turns out that a big part of me succeeding involves helping you.” She had decided to drop the suave act and let her true colours be known, I respected her for that. “Look, give me twenty-four hours to convince you that I’m here to help, if you’re still not interested in the least, I’ll be on my way and it will be as if we never met.”

I studied her for a moment trying to figure out her angle, of course there had to be one. But her offer sounded intriguing; after all if she really did prove useful to me I could get what I needed and be on my way. First I had to be sure she was working alone and that I could take her if it came down to a fist fight, “Alright, you got twenty-four hours to prove your worth to me and convince me that I can trust you.”

“Alright you’re on, Barnes. I must warn you though; I have a tendency to win people over.”  She smiled and winked at me though it was more of a challenging expression than a flirtatious one, the kid was fiery I’ll give her that. Not quite like the girls I had met on my missions, she most certainly wasn’t as dull and robotic like the soldiers I had trained with. Part of my operative within HYDRA included learning to suss people out, to apply a persona, a profile of sorts to a person. Even after spending brief minutes in her presence, I could tell that this girl was an interesting character which intrigued me to learn all I could about her. Sadly though my soldier instincts kicked in which, of course, meant that I’d have to approach this girl as if she were a mission target. This meant one thing: I’d have to learn all I could about her, before I killed her.

***

After walking three blocks we arrived at her place, a tiny apartment filled with nothing but old crumpled newspapers and report files. As I sifted my fingers through the files half were branded with a single emblem resembling some sort of bird, possibly an eagle, these were SHIELD files. The other half of the pile contained filed that bore a symbol I knew all too well, a malevolent octopus with dead eyes, _Hydra._

“Sorry about the mess,” the girl entered the room, slipping off her outdoor jacket leaving her stood there wearing a thin black top which complimented her shape, “this is sort of a temporary setup.” She continued into the room, gathering up the newspapers and files off the table before exiting the room. I didn’t say anything until she returned holding a towel and a bottle which she handed to me, “Here, go get yourself cleaned up, I’m gonna need you refreshed and sharp if we’re to make any progress.”

“I think I’ll pass,” remaining hostile was the only way I could guarantee my safety, “thanks.” I stared at her in an attempt to intimidate, hoping it would provoke her to either attack me or fear me at least, safe to say, it didn’t work. Instead she parted her feet and planted herself like a tree in front of me, her eyes never left my stare and as I stared aimlessly I noticed in her eyes that she wasn’t afraid at all, instead she just looked annoyed, as if I were an annoying child whining for sweets at a candy store.

“I said get the fuck up those stairs and get yourself cleaned the fuck up. Before I force you to the ground, strip you and drag you to the fucking tub myself.” She never once faltered as she spoke, her voice remained calm and steady, indicating that her threats were not idle.

“And what exactly happens in the ‘fucking’ tub?” I raised my eyebrows and grinned at her, causing her jaw to clench in annoyance. Finally. As she high-kicked me I stumbled back briefly before motioning towards her, by which time she had reached for a baton which she whacked around my head, causing my neck to turn to the side. When I looked back at her she was standing there holding the baton, ready to charge. As we stood in opposition she broke the stare to shift her eyes to the side behind me and before I could turn to see what she was looking at, something with sharp claws pushed me to the ground. The next thing I felt as I lied on my front was two hands pressed on either side of my head and a kinetic energy electrified my senses, and for a brief moment everything went black before the images flooded my mind in a flash.

***

When I’d gained consciousness, the girl was stood in front of me and I had been propped up against the sofa chair. I had to double take as my vision came back and I saw the mound of white stood at her side, was that a _wolf_? I blinked hard, still trying to grasp what had happened to me moments ago.

“Here, take these.” The girl outstretched her hand and offered two white powdered pills to me, when I hesitated she rolled her eyes and swallowed one of them back before offering me the remaining tablet, which this time I took. She threw the bottle of water to me and I ingested the aspirin, its texture felt uncomfortable on my dry throat.

“What the hell happened to me?” I finally asked.

“Well if you mean your sudden hostile outburst, I’d say your ass-of-an-alter-ego broke through that calm you’ve been trying to keep since Washington.” She pulled up a chair and swivelled it round, her legs spread around it’s body whilst she leaned over to look at me.

“That’s not what I meant.” The truth is the whole ordeal had left me a little freaked out, and although I tried to not let her hear the weakness and uncertainty in my voice, it didn’t change how I felt inside.

“Ah, you mean what happened between the time of you falling to the ground and this present moment in time?”

“Yes.”

“Well, it’s like I told you back at the museum, I’m here to help you Bucky. But in order for me to do that I needed to earn your trust, and unfortunately all that shit that Hydra hardwired into you is still there. Now, normally this would make you a liability to the cause, but fortunately for you I have methods that can ensure we build a foundation of solid trust. Plus, judging by that scent of unease emitting from you, I’d say you are a little afraid of me.” She smiled playfully and I couldn’t help but let out a little laugh, she was good, very good. Suddenly the calm was gone as the white beast padded over the Leila’s side, my back arched up against the sofa as I looked into it’s dark soulless eyes. Upon realising my fear, the girl laughed “Bucky, this is _Snow,_ pay no mind to her hostility she doesn’t trust easy and she’s just ensuring my safety.” Leila ruffled Snow’s fur as the dog lifted her head, signalling for more.

“Nice pet,” the sarcasm returned to my tone as I relaxed at the wolf’s tranquillity, “I suppose I have her to thank for the dents in my back?”

Leila smiled as she got off the chair to crouch down beside the wolf, wrapping her arms around her as she rubbed her fur, “Well,” she looked up at me and smiled, “better her than me.”

“Oh, yeah?” I smirked at her, the girl had an interesting aura about her, I’ll credit her that.

“Let’s just say if it were my claws in your back, you wouldn’t be sitting so comfortably against that leather.” She stood up and walked out of the room, Snow followed obediently.


	6. We can begin again, shed our skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a spontaneous evening at the beach, Leila and Bucky get a taste of normalcy and Leila realises her feelings for him are growing.

We had been driving for a good hour and not a word had been spoken, in fact we hadn’t said a word back at the motel either.  Eventually I looked over at James sat in the passenger seat, concerned because he seemed really shook up early hours this morning. Or at least that’s what I told myself, but I think I was a little afraid that I’d really hurt his feelings after he openly tried to show his gratitude and I gave him the cold shoulder. The truth was that I had wanted to tell him that I did care for him and that I wanted to take care of him, but I just couldn’t.  As we drove along the highway in a red convertible mustang, the sun began to set on the horizon, filling the soft blue sky with an evening twilight, clouds of orange and pink shone in the distance as we made our way along the coast. It was a pain constantly moving from place to place but I had to ensure that SHIELD, as well as HYDRA, were kept off our scent as much as possible. Even if his intention was good, Coulson should’ve let the secret agency stay buried. And with all this talk of _Inhumans_ it was not a time to be sloppy.

“So where’d you get the car?” He had finally broken the silence and I could relax again.

“This fine automobile is courtesy of Stark enterprise. I picked it up from a local dealership this morning whilst you were sleeping.”

“Stark? Like, the metal man?” I laughed at that, brushing wisps of hair from my mouth

“Iron man,” I corrected him, “It’s the Iron man, and yes the very same.”

“So, you know him?” I could already tell what was coming next, “Like you know Steve?”

I wanted so badly to have this conversation with him but the topic of my famous uncle, as well as Bucky’s long lost pal, was a sensitive one and besides, I didn’t want to ruin the beautiful scene of our Bonnie and Clyde lives.

 “Hey you ever been to the beach?” I changed the conversation and looked at him through my sunglasses.

“Not that I remember. Why?” I grinned at him.

Keeping my eyes ahead I looked at him through the front mirror, I couldn’t see his eyes beneath the dark shades he wore, but I could tell he was anxious. When we pulled up onto the sea front I turned to look at him, the wind from the drive had caused his long floppy hair to recede back into his head, a look that suited him well. As he stood beside the car in his torn blue jeans and white shirt which was unbuttoned at the top, I couldn’t help but think how attractive he looked. I walked over to him and grabbed his hand, pulling him onto the beach. The cool sand seeped onto our now-bare feet as we made our way toward the ocean, the ground became firm and wet the closer we got, the change in texture made Bucky jump.

“What the…“ He stopped and looked around at the ground beneath him.

“You’re so naïve!” I laughed as I re-grabbed his hand, trying to pull him further to the shore.

“You know, suddenly I don’t feel so good,” He pulled away from me and sat down on the dry soft sand, “you go ahead though, I’ll sit here and watch.”

“Oh uh-uh, you’re not getting out of it that easily, Barnes.” I bent down to pull him back onto his feet which he must’ve hated, but he stood up nonetheless. Seeing him so paranoid when he should’ve been having fun just made me even more determined to get him to enjoy this. So, I teased him, “Stop being such a baby.”

“I am not a baby.” He looked me square in the face before stepping onto the wet sand again, clearly making a statement.

“Well good, because then you wouldn’t be able to do this.” I ran towards the ocean and flopped onto the waves, embracing the salty cool water, “Bucky you gotta try this!” I called back to him as he started walking closer towards me.

“Nah, I’m good. I don’t think I want to do that.” He stood with his arms folded in protest, so I got up out the water and began pacing towards him, “What’re you doing?” He got worried, and with good reason as I ran at him, “Leila, don’t!” I jumped at him, forcing him to catch my soaking body. At first I thought he was going to slam me into the floor but to my surprise he laughed and spun me around, which made me laugh too. He then began to relax as we both ran towards the ocean and soaked up the salty sea water, splashing and running as we went along the shore.

We continued to fool around for what felt like hours before taking a steady walk back towards the car. The sun had all but disappeared on the horizon so we sat on the soft sand and looked out at the beautiful scene ahead of us. Forgetting who we were and where we were, I laid my head on his shoulder and he laid his head upon mine, neither of us wanting this moment to be over too soon. Once the sun had completely vanished and the evening sky began to fall, we stood up and began making our way back to the car when the heavens opened up.

“Come on!” Bucky grabbed my hand as we struggled to run up the soft sand, laughing as we went. We grabbed our bags from the car and headed towards the small hut that said “Rooms to let”, and just like that the rain had washed away our unordinary day, reality pouring in once again.

***

We stumbled into the room; neither of us seemed in the mood for conversation.  Exhausted I crashed onto the bed, Bucky stood awkwardly at its foot. “It’s okay.” I assured him that he could lie with me, the night had turned cool and the room wasn’t heated, it wouldn’t have been fair to expect him to sleep on the floor. He smiled shyly, averting his eyes from me as he sat on the bed and removed his shoes, before lying down next to me. He laid on his back and stared up at the ceiling for several moments, so I turned on my side and closed my eyes,

“Leila?” He had finally spoken.

“Yeah?” I didn’t turn back to face him, afraid it might make him uncomfortable again. Instead I listened, taking in every word he said, his husk voice that was contrastingly soft gave me a safe feeling. I felt protected with him, it was a feeling I had become a stranger to since Tommy.

“Thank you for today. You don’t know how much it means to me.”

“ _Meant_ ,” I corrected him like a pretentious twat, “what it _meant_ to you.” He couldn’t see but I smiled at his innocence.

“No, I’m not just talking about today. What I _meant,“_ His tone changed as he mocked me, which made me grin again, “was that it feels nice to know that you care. At least enough to have done such a nice thing for me, the last time someone did anything for me without motive was-“

“Steve.” I finished his sentence as I turned to face him. I had been so distracted with keeping Bucky alive and happy, or at least as happy as he could be that I’d forgotten why I was doing all this in the first place. It suddenly hit me again that I’d compromised my mission but in the moment it didn’t matter, the thought of Steve made me sad. But it wasn’t felt for me; it was felt for him, for James. He looked so lost, so helpless as he told me of the time Steve charged a HYDRA blockade to rescue him, regardless of knowing if he was even alive or not. My heart was so busy breaking for the poor guy that my head took a moment to realise what just happened. “You remember?”

“I’ve remembered for a while now, since you found me that day at the museum I was reading about my death,” he laughed at the irony, “and it came back in flashes, Steve finding me in Zola’s operation room. I don’t really remember details of him, of Steve, but for that brief moment I realised that he really is a good guy.” He looked at me and smiled, and although I couldn’t say for sure, it was like he was the old James Buchannan Barnes, the young man Steve Rogers risked it all to save. It was as if he reverted back into the same guy Steve would resort to violence for, something nobody else could bring out of the righteous man, nobody except his Bucky.

“Well that’s good. It means your memory must be improving.” I said between yawning.

“Get some sleep Leila, it’s been a long day and we got another one ahead of us tomorrow.” He turned off the lights before settling back down on the bed next to where I lied on my back, closing my eyes in an attempt to get some much needed rest.

 

 


	7. We were only strangers cornered in a dark room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky details his passionate night with Leila, revealling supressed intimate feelings between the two of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter is a little explicit as it details a sex scene between two characters.
> 
> My original draft for this chapter was a little more explicit and graphic but I decided to tone it down as I felt that the relationship between the two characters, as well as their individual identities, was still a little premature. In spite of this I wanted the sex scene to come accross more intimate and passionate rather than imply that Bucky and Leila's attraction is purely physical.

God she was beautiful. As she passed out next to me, mostly exhausted from the long day we’d had, I couldn’t help but take it all in. The way her complexion softened when she was peacefully asleep, her lips slightly parted as she hummed steady breaths, their edges curling gracefully. Her beautiful dark brown hair was tussled beneath her, several rogue curls hung around her face, graciously touching her neck and shoulders. I reached out with my right arm, shifting my weight onto my left side, leaning in to brush the curls from her face. She slowly opened her big green eyes meeting my gaze, “Hey.” It was all I could think to say.

“Hey.” She smiled at me as she grabbed my hand and pressed it to the side of her face, my thumb gently caressed her cheek. She sat up onto her elbows and I edged back to give her space, never taking my eyes off her. As I sat back onto my knees, my hands now at my side, she sat up right and leaned into me, pressing her forehead against mine. We both closed our eyes and froze in the position for several moments, both of us sub-consciously anticipating what would come next, but neither of us wanting to rush it.

Eventually we reanimated, Leila shifted herself to wrap her legs around my waist as I wrapped my arms around her lower back before pulling her in with my hands. She nuzzled into my shoulder as my hands rhythmically rubbed up and down her back, not wanting to let her go, afraid I’d lose her if I did. Her lips caressed my neck as she began to kiss me, tender at first before gently grazing my skin with her teeth causing me to breathe hard, the arousal in my boxers twitched. As she lifted her head from my neck, I met her stare before pulling her into me, closer, until her legs spread around my waist; her cheeks graced my thighs, her sex pressed up against my crotch.  God, I longed for her. She must’ve known as she proceeded to unbutton her shirt, exposing her black bra perfectly cupping her breasts. When she had finished, her perfectly toned and smooth torso was exposed, her hip bones peaked out from her jeans as she removed her shirt entirely.

As I lifted her onto me, her entire weight on my pelvis, I couldn’t resist any longer. Pushing my lips against hers we began to kiss, tender and slow at first, but then more passionately and fast, my lips found her exposed neck at every opportunity, as she flung her head back, groaning in pleasure. I grabbed at her backside, being careful not to be too aggressive, unless she wanted it, as she proceeded to tenderly bite at my neck in between the kissing. Removing the grey shirt that kept my skin from touching hers, I laid her back onto the bed placing my body between her legs as I kissed her from on top. I tried to keep my hands from shaking as they fumbled at the button on her jeans, my warm breath aired onto her neck, “Leila” I moaned as her fingers dug into my exposed back, her crotch arching impatiently beneath me. I sat back onto my knees in order to take off her jeans, her gorgeous long legs, smooth to the touch, parted to allow my body back on top of hers. Between heated heavy breaths and passionate kissing, I used my thumbs to slide of her black laced underwear, my fingers gripped on their back as I slid them down her legs and threw them to the side.

“Bucky” She moaned in pleasure as she pushed me back, straddling my hips as she slid off her bra, the swift movement of her fondling the clasp turned me on in ways I couldn’t explain. She was now fully nude and sat on top of me; I stared up at her for a moment, taking it all in as her eyes found mine. She leaned in to kiss me again, removing the belt from my jeans as she did so; she was so skilled in every move she made. The notion of being inside her, to feel her skin on mine made me groan with pleasure, so much so that when she finally removed my belt and then my jeans, I was already hard and waiting for her. “Calvin Klein? Nice.” She smiled at me teasingly before slowly pulling off my boxers, exposing my erection which rubbed against her flat stomach as she lay on top of me.

For a few moments I held her there, kissing her gently again before she slid down my body, kissing my chest, and then my lower torso. With every turn I groaned, not able to hide how much she turned me on, and the pleasure was about to get more intense. As her hand gingerly took hold of my shaft, her lips kissed my hard end,“Fuuuuuck.” I blurted out between heavy panted breaths, my pelvis rising up and down in rhythm to her sucking and handling. She was perfect. For someone so young, she was experienced, skilled and confident at this, she deserved to be rewarded. Once she had finished me off, I laid her back so that her head was cushioned by the pillow. I wanted to please her, the way she had pleased me.

I started off gentle and slow as I reached down in between her legs, which she had parted and arched, ready for my entry. At first I massaged her sweet spot, making circular movements as I rubbed gentle and then harder, using my middle finger to massage the walls of her moist centre, her hot breath pressing against my neck the entire time. “Bu-Buckyyy” She moaned with pleasure, making me press harder. She was already warm and wet by the time I proceeded from caressing her walls, stimulating her arousal, to slowly pushing in and out of her.  She threw her head back and closed her eyes as she moaned breathlessly; her body was so responsive to my touch. I continued to kiss her neck before removing my fingers from inside of her, my hands gripping her hips as I moved down her body, kissing her bare skin. I hooked my arms underneath where her legs bent at the knee, pushing them up into her body as my head went down to where she was warm and waiting for me. I began kissing her lower lips before using my tongue to proceed into her, a gesture that had her wailing out in pleasure; I felt her hands grip the sheet beneath us. She was pleased. As I continued to devour her she brushed her fingers through my hair, gently grabbing hold when I hit her pleasure spot.

When we were both done exploring one another’s bodies, I laid back and pulled her into me, cupping her face as we kissed tenderly. Once we had both calmed from our climax I shifted on top of her and grabbed myself, she allowed me to enter with one thrust which left us both moaning in pleasure. Once I was sure she was comfortable, I thrusted in and out of her, slowly and intimately not wanting to take this moment for granted, not wanting to take _her_ for granted. As we found our rhythm and my penetration became quicker and constant, we grabbed at each other, consumed by arousal, passion and lust, two lost souls that had found each other in the dark.

 


	8. Everytime I close my eyes, it’s like a Dark Paradise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leila tries to move forward with Bucky after their passionate night together, but is haunted by the memory of Tommy.

I was woken by the sweet sensation of his lips tenderly pressing against my neck “mmm, good morning,” I kept my eyes shut as I smiled at him, not wanting him to stop as his hands gripped my legs as our bodies motioned against one another, “Buckyyy” a faint moan of pleasure escaped my lips.

“Who the hell is Bucky?” My eyes snapped open at the sound of the familiar voice that was once everything I loved waking to.

“Tommy?!” I shoved him off in surprise, he sat back onto his knees, his arousal was hard whilst his big tattooed arms hung at his sides, his face full of confusion and hurt from my rejection. Was I dreaming? Surely… had it all been a dream?

“I think someone has been up to her old party-girl antics, were you hoping for someone else?” Although he seemed playful I knew part of his question wasn’t rhetorical.

“Of course not,” I rubbed my head as he leaned back into me, kissing my lips which this time around I returned, “I guess I got a little confused.”

“It’s okay, talk to me. Is it the dreams again? Leil, don’t let them take a toll on you.” He understood me so well and he always knew what to say, but something in his voice didn’t sound reassuring at all. His next words made me sure that I was dreaming, “After all, let’s not forget the real reason you’re helping Barnes,” I pulled away from him instantly and sternly met his gaze, searching for the Tommy I had once known and loved, instead of this imposter.

“Fuck you.” Once I was sure this was a dream, I tried to shove him off but he pinned me down.

“Don’t forget me, baby.” He hissed in my ear before kissing my lips with such harshness that I was left feeling disgusted with myself.  

***

Breathing hard and fast I shot up, my heart was racing and my skin felt hot and clammy, the air felt tight as I struggled to control my breath. Once I’d collected myself I looked to my side to find a passed out Bucky lying beside me, his bare chest poked out from beneath the sheet, his left leg hung out at the bottom. His tranquil state made me feel calm and honestly a little turned on, but after the night we had just spent together, I think the guy’s very existence would make me hot and heavy. I bent down to kiss his lips before stepping out of the sticky bed, wrapping the spare sheet around me like a toga. The crisp evening air greeted me as I stepped out onto the balcony, its coolness felt sensational as it breezed through the thin sheet and onto my hot skin. Below me, I knew that the stale thick sour smell of violence plagued the city’s streets but up here, I was sheltered. Sitting on the broken rusted chair I whipped a smoke from the open pouch sat on the table, grabbing for the lighter I lit up the cigarette and inhaled slowly, the bitter toxins hit my throat instantly, poisoning my lungs.

As I sat there in the cool evening the dream of Tommy suffocated my mind leaving an uneasy feeling in my stomach, a feeling of shame and regret. I wanted to enjoy the repercussions of last night but instead I felt terrible, like I should’ve thought about my actions instead of being reckless. After all that’s the Leila I had hoped to leave in my past, reckless trouble-making Leila. She wouldn’t have let her conscience interfere with her spontaneity; instead she would’ve embraced her freedom, not giving a single fuck about what she did, or who she’d affect doing it, as long as she was happy and having fun. Or at least, that’s what she let everyone else believe.

***

“Leila Thomas, I swear to God if you don’t open this door I will burst in there and kick your ass.” My annoyingly over-protective friend had been banging on the bathroom door for what felt like forever. I had wanted to get up to unlock the door but my head was spinning and I couldn’t pick myself up off the floor and away from the toilet, instead I groaned and hung my head in shame. After several attempts at getting me to unlock the door, Ruby had fetched re-enforcements as Tommy and Jason, another of my brother’s friends and my first crush, entered the bathroom.

“Leil? Leila look at me.” Tommy was crouched in front of me; I met his eyes which were full of concern, still unable to speak I nodded my head and my eyes started to fill up. “Come on.” He scooped me up off the floor.

“Tommy? Oh my God, is she alright?” Ruby was frantic as Tommy exited the bathroom carrying me in his arms.

“She’ll be okay, Rubes. I’m taking her home so she can sleep it off.” As he carried me down the stairs my ears were pounded by the charade of sound echoing all around me. Between wild screaming and laughter, the booming party music and my friends protesting leaving me, I couldn’t take it anymore.

“Get me out of here. Please.” I breathed into Tommy.

“Don’t worry kid, I got you.” The last thing I remembered was letting my body go limp in Tommy’s arms, assured he would protect my body, I let my mind fall unconscious no longer able to fight the blackout.

***

I was thinking about the first party I’d attended since Tommy and I had become good friends, recalling how he came to my rescue. Truth is despite our indifference the guy had actually always looked out for me whenever we all decided to attend the next lame kegger. I had a tendency to wonder off and get up to no good with people that were no good, and although he’d bitch and moan to the others about how much trouble I was, he never failed to help me out when needed. I smiled into the black velvet night at the memory of how much I must’ve pissed Tommy off but he never gave me up. Turning to look in at Bucky sleeping, I realised where I got my persistence to stand by him no matter how annoying or stubborn he could get. As I turned back to face the night a sudden feeling of unease came over me, _what the fuck was I doing?_ I rolled my eyes at my own stupidity, I had been so caught up in the moment with Bucky, with Barnes- I had to remind myself to be objective when it came to him, I had completely forgotten why I was doing this in the first place. ‘ _After all, let’s not forget the real reason you’re helping Barnes,’_ dream-state Tommy’s voice echoed in my brain and before I allowed myself to overthink everything, the door behind me edged open.

“Hi” He smiled a half-sleepy grin at me, his floppy hair was all rugged and messed and I just couldn’t help myself.

“Hi” I smiled back at him and flung my arms around his neck as I leaned in for a kiss. For those brief moments I didn’t care about any of it, the mission, the dream of Tommy, I was happy to just live in this moment, to enjoy having fun with Bucky. In truth it made me miss how carefree my lifestyle used to allow me to be. And just as I was making peace with living for tonight, Bucky’s next words left a sharp sick feeling in my stomach.

“Leila, I’m ready.” He pulled away and looked at me, “I’m ready to remember Steve.”


	9. No one could save me but you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barnes starts to think back to his former self as Leila helps him to remember his life (primarily Steve) before his fall in 1945. Transported back in time, Bucky witnesses his years growing up in Brooklyn with his best pal. However when Leila starts to lose control of the manifestation on her end, Bucky sees something he shouldn't have, causing emotional turmoil for the two of them.

"Are you sure you want to go down this road?" She had her doubts about whether I could handle the truth, but I wanted to know, I _needed_ to know. I nodded my head in confirmation as she proceeded to take her hands and place them on either side of my head. As soon as she made contact, sparks of vibrant blue began erupting from her and she dropped her head in weariness. After a few seconds she flung her head back upright and as I met her eyes I was mesmerised, the pine green was now electric blue and her hair, her hair was as white as snow that felt eerily familiar. But before I could think on it my mind drifted to another image of snow, a cold icy image from a long, long time ago…

***

I was stood on a thick white sheet in what appeared to be downtown Brooklyn, where I was originally from. As I exhaled ice-cold breath and shivered at the wintery scene laid out before my eyes, I realised that I wasn’t cold at all.

“That’s because you’re not really here.” I turned to see _him,_ the smug Brooklyn kid known as James Buchannan  Barnes, or-

“Bucky!” My head snapped from the figure of my former self to turn back to the open yard which now had a small boy in it. The kid was small and scrawny with a mop of dirty-blonde hair on his head and as he crashed to the ground to help the other boy, he looked up revealing his big blue eyes. _Steve._ I began to pace over to him to get a better look at the scene, only to find my childhood-self lying on his back with a bloody nose and a purple bruise around his eye. As foetus-Bucky smiled up at his friend, I could see that his lip was bludgeoned and the skin cracked apart as he grinned, blood pouring from his top lip to his bottom. _I remember this_. Crouching to my knees, certain that they were oblivious to my presence, I looked up at Steve and got a clearer look at his face which was pasty and bruised, much worse than my younger self’s had been. The poor guy looked like he was going to pass out, and maybe he would’ve if he wasn’t so busy trying to pull Bucky-the-kid from the floor. As he hauled him up and the pair started to walk away, a wave of familiarity washed over me.

“Thanks for coming after me, Steve-o”

“Hey you always got my back, and I always got yours, right?”

“Right,” foetus-Bucky smiled at Steve as he slapped his shoulder, “I’m with you pal.”

Their next exchange was of words that would never be forgotten, a vow of friendship that had never left me even if I’d forgotten the one I’d exchanged it with, during my time as the Winter Soldier:

“Till the end of the line,” The pair chimed before walking off into the fog, side by side, fading away.

***

As I stood up trying to catch my breath I noticed that the scene around me was dissolving and another scene manifested in its place. This time I was stood in an open room, the natural dim light of midday pressed through the windows. Walking over to the fireplace I picked up a photograph of three people; a man, a woman, and between them stood a young boy with brown tufty hair and blue eyes which would soon fade to grey as he grew. I put the photo down and choked back the sad feeling I felt at the recognition of my childhood home. On the dining table there were paints and crumpled sheets of paper scattered everywhere and amongst the mess I plucked out a single canvas: a painted portrait of Steve and me. I stared at the image long and hard trying to remember the short skinny blonde boy buried beneath my arm which curved over his shoulders and across his chest, a genuine kind smile on his face. Unable to remember him I flung the sheet back down on the pile in annoyance.

“Woah there sport,” I shot around to find _him_ standing there again, his fatigues clung tight to his body, his short brown hair messed, his face unshaven, “don’t you remember how long and hard mom worked on that painting of us?” I knew what he was doing, he thought he was being slick with that Brooklyn accent and charm, but I wasn’t fooled. After all I was once him, I knew exactly who he was, what he was, and I wouldn’t stand a minute longer of his bull.

I went at him pinning him against the wall as I gripped my hands around his throat, “what do you want? If all you’re here to do is piss me off, I’d advise otherwise, you see I’m not the charming young man we-I once was.” As I threatened my shadow a sudden noise came from the other room that made me jump.

“Relax. Nobody knows we are here, we’re but shadows in the dark in this reality.” The old Bucky smacked me on the back as he spoke, as if we were the best of pals. I shrugged him off me and cautiously paced towards the source of the noise. As I entered the kitchen my heart sank at the sight of the beautiful slender woman packing groceries into the fridge, _Mom_. I had been so focused on Steve that I’d forgotten the other people from my former life and as she stood before me, the woman who raised me, who cared for me, I felt defeated. Falling against the wall and to the ground I hung my head in shame, what would she think of all this? Would she proud of what her son grew to be? Could she still love him from beyond the grave, despite all the terrible things he’s done?  And just as the thoughts entered my mind, I remembered the reality of it all, that my mother was long dead and gone, and so she could no longer pass any judgement on me or anyone else. Once I had collected myself I picked myself up from the ground and went back into the living room where Bucky the kid was waiting.

“Must be weird seeing her, huh?” He was sincere as he spoke, and I was sure there was a hint of sadness and regret in his expression too. Realising we may still be alike in some ways, I walked over and slapped him on the shoulder as a sign of peace and agreement.

_Bucky._

I turned, “Leila?” But nobody was there, I could’ve sworn-

All of a sudden there was a loud bang from the other room and as I headed towards the noise, the other Bucky grabbed my arm, “This is not what you came for.” He gripped me hard and as I looked at him I noticed his eyes were filling up, the clean white was now bloodshot.

_Bucky… Please._

There it was again, the faint echo of Leila’s voice.

“You have to leave now, if you don’t you’re going to hurt that poor girl.” The other Bucky was trembling and although I wanted to head his warning, I just had to find out what that awful sound had been. Pulling away from him I ran into the kitchen and I regretted it as soon as I entered. There lying on the floor with a hole in her head, was my mother.

***


	10. You wouldn’t even recognise me anymore.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the horrifying revelation of how Bucky's mother died, a weakened Leila tries to help him come to terms with what happened. However the time for grieving soon passes when Hydra agents infiltrate the building, lead by a ghost from Leila's past who has come for her. 
> 
> Whilst in Ward's keep, shocking truths about Leila's father are revealed leading her to lose all rationality and reason, unleashing a dangerous side of her that she has fought to keep dormant for a long time.

I’d been trying to bring him back but he was resistant, between curiosity and pain his judgement had been clouded, he’d forgotten the real reason he was sent back. But I couldn’t blame the guy, after all I’d give anything to see my father again, I just wish Bucky’s sudden interest in human nature had come at a better time. The image of his mother had been too much, and seeing as during the manifestation Bucky’s senses were connected to my own, I had been left completely drained. But he was back now and despite what he had just witnessed, his first thought was to come over and pick me up off the floor. At first he was a little worried as he scooped me up and laid me on the bed, blood stained my upper lip and temples from where the cognitive tension had occurred.

“Leil, are you alright?” He sat beside me on the bed and wiped away the blood from my face before grabbing my hand and placing it underneath his own. The gesture made my heart warm and suddenly the pain was gone and all that mattered was this. Smiling I nodded in confirmation, unable to speak, and Bucky shifted himself to lie down beside me pulling me into his arms, my head upon his chest. We stayed like that for some time letting the world pass us by, for people like us, enjoying the moments like this was important for they were very few.

 

 


End file.
